I am sitting in the airport, waiting for my interminably delayed flight. To pass the time, I buy a book at the bookstore, “Fifty Shades of Grey”. I begin to doze off, the book dropping into my lap…
I wake with a start to the luscious sensation of someone nibbling on my earlobe, as that someone whispers in my ear, “Ana, I only have desire for you. You intoxicate me. I am obsessed with you.” Holy crap! It’s Christian Grey, totally hot multibillionaire rich handsome rich brilliant rich young rich CEO, and I am in his luxury condo and his luxury arms!
I am swept away by the strange sensations sweeping over me. His touch is like a warm tidal wave, carrying me away to greater heights of ecstasy. His kisses to my nubile young body are like hot fudge to a scoop of ice cream, waking me from my cold and dismal being. He murmurs huskily, “Darling, I want you. I need you. Simply sign this master-slave contract, and we can begin our strange but erotic time together”. Swooning, I whisper, “Of course, Christian. Where’s the pen?’
Suddenly, I hear the familiar whirring of wings and a loud “Plop!” behind me. Dammit. It’s Fairy Godmother. She is always in my face.
“Hullo, Fairy Godmother”, I say sullenly to the rotund figure who has interrupted my lustful encounter with the handsome Mr. Grey. And rich. Did I mention rich?
“Ana, what the HELL are you doing?” she demands.
I roll my eyes. “Well, it’s none of your business, but if you must know, I am about to enter into a master/sex slave relationship with handsome and rich Mr. Grey.”
She frowns at me. “But what about all our training? You are a Disney Princess! And you realize, of course, that Mr. Grey is a sadist?”
“He’s not a sadist. He’s just really bossy”, I pout.
“What happened with Prince Charming? Why do I fix you up anyway?”
“Ewww, Prince Charming is so BORING. And besides that, I think he’s gay”.
Fairy Godmother looks at me peevishly. “He’s not gay, he just dresses really nice”.
“Well, I don’t think he has anything … Down There”, I say petulantly.
“Of course he does. You are thinking of Ken. So where did you meet this loser, anyway?” demand Fairy Godmother.
“At the Home Depot. He was looking for duct tape”. I blush prettily.
“Ana!” Christian says insistently. “Come ON! I’ve got my rumpus room ready for us!”
“Of course, dear” I tell him sweetly. “Fairly Godmother, take off, will you? I’ve new stuff to try”.
Christian roars, “That’s Mr. Grey, SIR! Don’t ever call me dear!”
Fairy Godmother looks at me with disgust, and takes flight. A little awkwardly, as she has put on a few pounds.
“Have fun at your weight watchers meeting!” I shout to her derisively, I turn to my master, as we begin our sensual, but sorta kinky, time together.
Suddenly, I am awakened with a start. The loudspeaker booms, “Flight 123 to Washington DC has been cancelled! Please go to the Customer Service center, where you will stand in line for 3 hours to be put on the next flight which will be delayed”.
Shit. Au revoir, my kinky, handsome billionaire dreamboat. And did I mention rich?