Listen up, ladies! We at the NRA have noticed a few of
you gun-totin’ gals have been getting a lot of publicity lately. Now, we
appreciate your support of guns, our God-given right to have guns, and our
blessed and holy 2nd Amendment. But gosh darn it, y’all are getting
a little Dirty Harry with those cute little handguns. Are you ALL on your
periods or something? And we don’t need the publicity right now.
We would recommend you attend our Gun Safety programs,
but we don’t really run them. We just tell people we do. We are actually
pretty busy buying, er, I mean, donating to our fine legislators to protect those God-given rights from the crazed liberal
mobs who are just a bunch of pussies.
But we digress. As much as we applaud you for protecting
your mansion, family pets, and minivans, we suggest you tone it down a little.
So, the NRA has developed an exciting new program: NRA CHARM SCHOOL!
What do you get for the low, low price of $49.95 a month
for 12 months?
1. Personalized coaching via Zoom! And you don’t
have to wear those leftist sheeple masks or anything!
2. Practicing verbal responses during dangerous
confrontations, such as:
a. Excuse
me!
b. Oh,
I’m sorry. Are you okay?
c. Welcome
to our street. Want some water? The mayor’s house is over there.
3. We also extend this program to ladies who may
not be waving guns around in public, but are throwing groceries when asked to
mask up. (This virus thing is a hoax, but the damned liberal mobs have
taken over the stores and you have to eat, you know.)
In private individual sessions we can also teach you how
to dye your roots at home, so you present a more pulled together NRA gal when
being recorded for Twitter. (yes, we know you are a natural blonde. Or used to
be).
RUSH your first payment of $49.95 to:
Wayne LaPierre
NRA National Headquarters
Backwater, Virginia
(Please make checks out to CASH).
