Saturday, October 01, 2016

Camp Trump

(Our intrepid HotFlash reporter travels to the future to check out the country after a 2016 Trump victory).
HotFlash: I’m here at one of the camps that Donald Trump has established for citizens of the United States after the attempted revolution of 2017. According to his excellency, the camps provide the US with stability and protection from migrants and illegal aliens. And fat beauty contest winners.
(To camp resident): So how do you like living in a camp?
Resident: Oh, it’s fine. His Excellency takes good care of us.
HF: His excellency?
Resident: Well, he declared himself emperor after the “difficulties”. We’re all fine with that.
HF: What if you aren’t fine with that?
Resident: Then we are forced to be reprogrammed by watching every campaign speech and debate from 2016. (shudders). It’s horrible, I’ve heard.
HF: I'm so sorry.
Resident: Oh, it’s not so bad. We have great health insurance, for example. All ugly women can choose to be executed, or get free plastic surgery, breast augmentation, and tummy tucks.
HF: How did the camps get started?
Resident: Well, his Excellency wanted to get all the Muslims out of the general population, so he sent all Muslims, people with funny last names, and anybody with the middle name of “Hussein” to a camp. Then he got tired of the black people whining about Black Lives mattering, so he sent them all to the black people camp.
HF: What about the Mexicans?
Resident: Oh, there aren’t any Mexicans here. They all went back to Mexico before the wall was built.
HF: Trump did build the wall, huh?
Resident: Oh, no. MEXICO built the wall. To keep Americans out who were trying to escape to Mexico.
HF: But you’re white. Why are you in a camp?
Resident: Well, some of the Caucasians started bitching that with no Mexicans or black people, there was nobody to be landscapers or janitors. So he just sent us all to camps. Like, there’s a special camp just for his ex-wives. And girlfriends. And women he abused, because he got tired of listening to them whining.
HF: Well, this is a really bleak view of the future. I’m afraid I’m going to have to go back to the present now. I don't think I can take this.
Resident: Oh, you can't leave. You’re staying here. At the camp specially for lying left wing socialist liberal media. But it’s okay. Bernie Sanders is there. He’s the camp mascot.
(soldiers drag our reporter away screaming…)